random thots

i think the thing about my university life so far, is that it is beginning to make me appreciate the beauty of isolation; the joy (yes there is some joy) to be a faceless person in the milling throngs of people moving thier way through life. Not that i dun have many good friends, I do.. and I appreciate them for being the people they are. for being there all the time. as one potters through all these noontime/interclass time crowds, hearing and seeing the other people undergo their little struggles in life, one cant help but feel the insignificance of oneself in the grand scheme of things. i like walking along the roads on clear starlit night, pr walking through the snow. detached from the world; it moves around me... but i stand still, taking it in as it is... and the other pawns of fate move along unaware, or pretending to be unaware. it amuses me to see everyone else hurry along. i think this sense of detachment stems from the fact that socialising has become a chore. what meaning is there in asking every random person you meet on the road "how's it going?" and getting an equally random answer back "fine, and you?" when the two part ways the moment the formality is dispensed with. so fine, i'm an unsociable low life, but i rather be alone in a crowd, then to have an address book full of acquaintances, hi-ing every other person i happen to know just because i am in the same class/met once at a coffee shop/etc. thank god for ppl like deb. hahaha.

one suddenly realises that one has been moving along the wrong directions all one's life. i dun need to reach out for more stuff in life...i just need to see wads already here. and hold it close to my heart.

*prepares to potter out for another happy walk alone thru the snow*

To endure oneself may be the hardest task in the universe. You cannot hire a wise man or any other intellect to solve it for you. There's no writ of inquest or calling of witness to provide answers.
-- Frank Herbert